Darwin Award Candidates

If you are unfamiliar with the Darwin Award, it is an annual honor to the individual who did the largest favor to the gene pool by killing himself (herself) in a most unusual and unintelligent fashion. I suppose the recognition as the Darwin Award is based on the notion that by removing the stupidity genes from the gene pool, one improves the likelihood of a more advanced human race. While the individuals in the following story did not kill themselves and are thus not eligible for the Darwin Award this year, the DA committee will undoubtedly want to keep their eyes on these two -- it's only a matter of time before they qualify.

Michigan, USA.

Guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately contacts his friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two geniuses go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite which is what they end up doing.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG ???? Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it hits the ice much to the dismay of the two idiots yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what to do now. The dog, well-pleased with itself, heads back from where it came from moments before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2 bozos now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to new heights than ever before.

Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared, thinking these two Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover with the now really short fuse burning on this stick of dynamite, still in its mouth. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice. BOOM ! Dog dies and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake leaving the two candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.

I felt pretty sorry for the dog myself.

When they made the movie Fargo they should have waited a few more months and this could have been added into it.


If you enjoyed this, you might like: