Benny the Motorcyclist

Once upon a time there was a young man named Benny. Benny loved motorcycles and riding motorcycles, but he was just a so-so rider. Whenever Benny and his friends would go on a ride, Benny was always at the rear of the pack, and he was always the last one to get to the bar at the end of the day. Everyone made fun of Benny, and suggested that he get a Spagthorp. However, this is another story.

One day when Benny was driving his cage (a Volvo of course) he spotted an old rusty Harley on the side of the road in some brush. Benny stopped, and thinking the Harley would make a good restoration project, loaded the bike into the car.

Later that evening when Benny was polishing the tank of the Harley a strange thing happened. A genie rose out of the tank and granted Benny a single wish. Benny thought about it, and finally wished that he could be the greatest motorcycle rider in the world. The genie said, "No problem, but there is a condition." (there always is) The condition was that Benny could never shave as long as he lived. If he did, the genie would return and change Benny into a Grecian Urn. Benny said, "Okay."

The next day Benny didn't feel any different, but when he and his friends went riding, Benny was the fastest rider in the group. Nobody could keep up with him. Even when Benny rode his FatBoy Harley the goofs were left in his dust. Everyone was amazed. Benny got a job riding GP bikes for MotoGuzzi, and never lost a race. He was revered the world over as the greatest motorcycle rider of all time.

However, Benny's beard was growing quite long, and would sometimes get tangled in the chain of his bike. Also, it got in the way of love making, and generally became intolerable. It had been a long time since Benny had seen the genie so he thought, "What the heck. I'll shave." No sooner than Benny had finished shaving, the genie appeared and said, "Benny, I warned you." The genie waved his arms, and after the smoke cleared there sat a Grecian Urn where Benny had been.

The moral of the story is: A Benny shaved is a Benny Urned.

Donald G. Moses (

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